Monday, July 03, 2006

90 Year Old Talks About Sex

McDreamy's Grandmother is turning 90 either today or Wednesday. He doesn't know for sure which day. But I feel okay about posting this because she'll never read it. One of her grandsons asked her if she had the internet and she told us how she just doesn't watch television enough to have it. She watches the news once a day and that is about it. I think she watches Dr. Phil and Oprah too, but she didn't offer that info. So she will never know we don't know when it is.

She reads. She loves Romance novels! And she will read a book in just a few days. I also love to read so each year we get her a new book for her birthday, and Christmas, and any other reason we can find. She LOVES them. And Bonus, she always sends them back to me to read. Sometimes I read them. Sometimes I don't.

She also reads magazines. Star magazine. You know all the magazines that you read while you are checking out at the store but never actually pick up. Or buy. She buys them. Every. Week.

We were all getting together to see our kids and grandkids. They live in Colorado and don't get to come home too often. So the whole family was getting together. McD and I arrived first. That won't happen again. We are sitting there visiting when she tells me I just have to see the article she found in her magazine. Just HAVE too!

I do not know what to expect because this was out of the ordinary. But nothing is ordinary with her. She flips through the pages. Finds the article. Hands it to me. Then she sits back and starts telling me all about it, as I am trying to read it.

I wish I could remember the name of the article. Or the name of the SEXUAL ENHANCING Pill she thought McD, her grandson, might need. She goes on and on about how men can have multiples. I think she had the whole one page advertisement memorized. I tried to focus on the magazine. I couldn't read it. I was about to die. McD is sitting right there next to me. Oh. But when she started talking about the multiples for men, he got up and excused himself. Thanks! I had to sit there and have a 10 minute conversation about sex with his Grandmother. Not. Good. She even wanted me to tear out the page and take it home with me to check it out. I told her tearing out the internet address would be enough.

I did go to the website. You don't know this lady. I just knew she would ask me about it later. But she didn't. I wrote down all the prices. She had inquired about the price during our 10 minutes of Hell conversation. McD stops to see her almost once a week, so I sent the information with him. Just in case. She hasn't asked about it or mentioned it since. But I am the only one that she ever brought it up to. I must be special. Or do you think it is because McD is 14 years older than me? Maybe she thinks he needs help in that area. Believe me. She would be the last person I would talk to about it.

Well, Grandmother is turning 90 this week. She still drives. God help us!! Takes care of her cattle. Does her lawn work, etc. She is the sharpest knife in the drawer. She is beautiful, really beautiful. I hope I look half as good as she does when I am her age. She calls me her granddaughter, although I just married into that circus. And I love her. She is one special lady. I hope she has a very Happy Birthday. Which ever day it is.


Blogger Pioneer Woman said...

She sounds spunky!
My grandmother, who died last Christmas, also LOVED romance novels. This was funny because she was very proper and pure...but she had shelves and shelves full of Harlequin Romances. She must have had a rich inner life!

7/03/2006 8:44 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Ca said...

She sounds like a wonderful lady, despite the 10 Minutes of Hell conversation. I think I would just about die if my 90+ year old great-grandmother ever said anything like that to me. Luckily we just usually talk about crocheting and the weather - pretty easy (and safe) stuff.

7/03/2006 12:29 PM  

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